Right now I feel like I’m suffocating, and my mind is about to shatter. I feel like I can’t hold on anymore and I’m about to lose it all. This self-hate is really starting to mess up my head. It’s a poison, I know it, and I think the only way is to have a huge hate session where I confront everything I’m unhappy with about myself. Like with all poisons, I have to get rid of it, however unpleasant it may be. The only person I’d be able to admit this all to is my boyfriend. I feel like he’s the only one who’d be able to console me but I’m scared he’ll think I’m insane or that he’ll decide he doesn’t want to, or can’t deal with my constant insecurities. He’s the only thing keeping me from succumbing to the darkness in my mind and if he rejects me in any way, I’ll snap in two. I’ll be mentally and emotionally broken. Fuck. I sound like Bella Swan. I hate myself more and more every moment but if I say something I’m so scared he’ll just up and leave. I’m already worried that he’s becoming more distant and a situation like that wouldn’t help anything.
Either way I’ll go insane.